As I go day to day, I notice the little things that make me a little irritated. Why couldn't you just rinse off your dish and put it in the dishwasher, or put your dirty cloths in the hamper?
Sometimes we tend to focus on the negative in our relationship. There was a student at BYU-I who stated that it got so bad for her focusing on the negative that she could hardly remember the good in her relationship. She and I both, read in Gottman's Book, and he challenged the reader to think about the details that led up to you getting married to your significant other. Her and I were both filled with positive feelings and memories as we recounted that time in our life. Here is her experience:
Nurturing Fondness and Admiration
Story from student at BYU-Idaho used with permission
"There have been times in my marriage when I have wondered whether my husband was the right one to marry or if I had made the wrong decision. That sounds awful, I know, but that thought has gone through my head, along with many others. It is hard to hold on to the good memories when times are tough in a marriage. I tend to dwell on my negative thoughts and emotions that I am feeling at the moment and forget all the good times my husband and I have shared together. It had gotten to the point that I was having a hard time remembering the good times we used to have. All I could remember was the heartache and struggle.
After reading the chapter on fondness and admiration, it completely changed my attitude toward my husband when times got tough. In the book it asked the question for us to recall the details that lead to my decision to marry my husband. As I began to do this I remembered the good times and noticed my attitude began to change and I started looking at him for who he really is. Once I started doing this I started to be softened, less irritated, and more patient with him and even life. In turn, he was reciprocating kind acts and gestures. Completing the activity on nurturing fondness and admiration was great because I believe it helped change my attitude towards my husband and our relationship."
After reading this I too reflected on how doing this really helped me see my husband for the awesome man that he is and focus more on what I really do love about him. I think that this nurturing fondness and admiration, that Gottman talks about is really important in marriage. Focusing on the positive can really help us in our marriage be closer to one another and help us to easily take on change and challenges with our positive mind set towards one another.
My husband and I went through about a 2 week period where we really couldn't figure out what was wrong with us. We weren't upset or mad at one another but we also weren't thriving in our relationship. We seemed stuck. I had taken a class earlier that had read this book and we both decided to do the activity where we focus on the positives of one another and things really started to change for us. How we thought affected our actions, and those actions continued to improve one anothers thoughts. It was a good change for us to have.
I liked listening to the talk of President Eyring, he states that for a good marriage each spouse has the other persons needs in front of their own. I feel that this is a big key in successful marriages. I have learned that it is about loving and being selfless. Lets all have the goal to have no empty seats in our families. Here is a link to that wonderful video of a testimony of companionship and marriage!
If we pray to have our spouses sorrows lifted and for their happiness I know that we will become happier in our marriages.
This week my husband and I started a weekly date night, and we really enjoyed our first date. . . we put on our basketball clothes and went to go play basketball at the park! We laughed and talked with eachother and were teasing and flirting too! It felt so good, and the milkshake after was just what put the cherry on top.
Start now, and really nurture your relationship. Let go of what is irritating you and see the good in your spouse.
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