When you think about your bank account and how much you withdraw from it each month. . . Think about how much do you need to put it so it doesn't go empty? Do you put in just the bare minimum so that when all the bills are paid and the groceries are bought. . there is none to spare?
In relationships, we interact with someone in ways that either take out of our account with them or deposit something in. When we deposit, we have done something positive to interact with them and there is positive interaction. When we withdraw from them we acted in a negative manner resulting in taking out the money.
John Gottman suggests a magic ratio for how much we interact positively to how much we interact negatively to keep our relationship strong. He suggests that for every one negative thing that goes on we do 5 positive things to counteract it. Here is a video that was shared in this weeks class, that helped me understand it better.
He says that this ratio is a ratio that goes on in relationships that work. It suggests that we really want to keep that bank account full. when we withdraw from that account, we want there to be room for that negativity to not make our account go negative.
Having experience being married, it is fun to reflect on our relationship and what I do or how I react when I do something negative or withdraw from our account together. Apologies are very common in our relationship, and then I usually cook his favorite something or other and then participate in something that he likes to do. My husband is also very good at being cooperative and apologetic which really is just what I want. Sometimes I just need to feel loved in a situation when I feel like he is withdrawing from our account and he does a great job of that too.
God intended for man not to be alone, and when I look at how our relationships work. . . we each bring something to the table that is a strength. I am grateful for my husband and how much he works on our relationship! Our bank account never seems to be empty because of his sweetness!
What are some things that you do in your relationships to not make them go negative?
Here are some things that Jedd and I do together :)
-Have family councils together to openly talk about things ahead and things that we are going through to bring us closer together
-Serve one another so we are focused on the positive
-Take each other on dates
-Every Sunday say 5 new things we like about each other
-Consciously think about how we are saying something, what we are saying, and if it would hurt the other persons feelings
Try some of these things this week and see how your results turn out.
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