Rituals/Magic 5 Hours

Think about the regularity of your week. . Wake up, pack a lunch, say morning prayer, leave for work, come home, eat dinner, relax a bit, go to bed. . . AND THEN WHAT? Repeat it? Because that doesn't sound like an uplifting day to turn towards your spouse or family!

This week I really liked what our Gottman book had to say about rituals and the things that we do during our week. Yes we do have rituals, and maybe we don't even see them as that. When I got married there were things that we did in our marriage that we had to figure out how we were going to do together! Ex; family prayers, and scripture study. In my family we always did them at night time, but in his family they were always done in the morning before school. We had to figure out what worked best for us and create that ritual everyday. There are some rituals that go on like holidays, special events, lovemaking and so on that go on that become what you and your husband do. 

Doing these things can either become special, or just habit. Doing them we create a shared meaning between the family members and you and your spouse! I usually want the things we do to be special and meaningful, so I really try to make them that way.

Another way to keep our time meaningful and special are these special 5 hours in our week, so Gottman says. These five hours come from the in between times that actually really do matter. These times are when your spouse is leaving for work. You have a couple choices here. . . One being you kiss them goodbye and wish them off to have a good day! Or you just yell from your bed, still all snuggled in the blanket "Bye"! Doing these things have a big effect on your marriage. I had a goal to work on some of the activities that Gottman shared in his book to enhance these 5 hours. Here are some:

1. parting: before saying goodbyes in the morning, find out one thing which is happening in the partner’s life that day;
2. reunions: stress-reducing conversations at the end of each workday
3. admiration and appreciation: find some way every day to communicate genuine affection and appreciation towards your spouse
4. affection: kiss, hold, grab and touch each other when together
5. weekly date: could be a relaxing low-pressure way to stay connected. Ask each other questions [to update your love-maps] and turn towards each other. Talking out a marital issue or working through an argument can also be placed here.

Earlier in this semester we started a habit to go on a date a week which I really have enjoyed. I decided that I am going to work on showing appreciation and admiration when he comes home from work because my husband has a very physically demanding job. I think that by doing this it could really improve our marriage.

I challenge you to choose one of the 5 to work on and see what comes of it in your marriage.