Communication

Communicate, they say! It's as easy as that, they say!

For me it always has not been that easy. I am always debating how I should say something, or maybe I just won't say it because I feel like it will hurt the other persons feelings too much. What I didn't realize is that probably more of what I communicate comes from my body language, my nonverbal communication. 

Non-verbal communication can be your actions, like slamming a door, or just simply walking away. You are really saying so much by doing those things! Now I don't have much of a temper, usually I just become quiet. . . But that is saying so much as well. In a marriage, each spouse takes their life experiences and assumes behavior meanings based on those. I always thought that silence meant that something was wrong, but maybe to my husband it means "Oh, I am just thinking and processing what you said." So how do we know what the other person really means?

You have to first communicate, to communicate. I don't ever think this goes away either. Once you feel like you figured something out about how your spouse communicates a message, you have a new one to decode. There are a lot of things that go into the decoding of messages too. The tone of voice, facial expressions, hand movements, the actual words used and with all of these things it actually becomes difficult. We are influenced with meanings all throughout our lives and it might be difficult trying to figure out what they are really saying to you. It just takes a lot of patience.

When we communicate it is very important to have clarification, or transparency of the message. You can do this by asking a simply question, "If I am understanding right, you are meaning. . ." This allows for the person trying to send a message the opportunity to understand what they are trying to say and feel and to validate your thoughts. Something to do also, is to validate your spouses feelings. When we are upset we are looking for someone to understand us. If the person who understands us is the one who makes us mad, it is likely that our fire will be put out. 

Even when we are not arguing, it is good for clarification. It is more likely that one will keep doing things that you like if you communicate with them and tell them that you enjoy it and appreciate it when they. . . "Help with the dishes" or "Give you a hug and a kiss when they come home"

I have been aware of my communication this week, I communicate mostly non verbally by my sighs, or smiles, or even how I show affection. It is amazing to see how my husband so quickly picks up on those things without me even saying a word. 

My goal this week, is to really observe Jedd and know how he acts in certain situations. I will be better able to communicate with him because I know how he is feelings without him talking to me. 

Being aware of what we feel and how we communicate that is really big. I hope that we can all focus a little more on our actions, tones, and words because it all counts. 

We all have different needs, and we all have the desire of something. Let's be clear in our cries for help in those times of need! Don't get angry, or upset. We act irrationally when we are in those emotions. Evaluate how you feel, why you are feeling that way and ask for help or some one to listen.

The BEST counsel from my teacher this week-

Give the Benefit Of the Doubt

Our spouses never intentionally mean to offend us, or make us feel angry or really anything other than happy. If we give them the benefit of the doubt all the time, we realize we are not perfect either. We come to love them because we don't get frustrated that often. Our communication increases because we turn to clarifying instead of becoming defensive.

Take time to communicate effectively this week. Notice, and try to communicate by those things that you see.