Money from my Honey

    He leaves early for work, and you pack him a lunch. . . His favorite chips maybe and some left over homemade cookies from yesterday's family home evening. Your children start getting up! Mom Mom Mom! Breakfast somehow gets made, with the hair in bows and brushed. (It's sometimes a question about the teeth being brushed, haha) Cold lunch assembly line starts! The brown paper bags are filled, to later fill your kids stomachs during lunch time. On a good day you'll write a sweet note on their napkin to let them know how much you love them. 

     Your day goes on as you find the best coupons for groceries! Wahoo, basically finding the best deals of the day. You do your laundry, and listen to a conference talk while you fold the fresh, warm shirts and socks. You get a poster for your child's school project, get the dog more dog food (Oh wait, I am out in public. . . did you have time to get your hair done. . . Make-up? . . . eh, skip it the kids will be home in 30 minutes) You put dinner in the crock-pot so it is ready to go after basketball practice!

     It might only be until before the kids get home from school, but I think you get it. . . days get long, the job list gets even longer. . . But can you put a price on it?

     In my class this week, we studied the effects of the mother working outside of the home and actually studied a case study of a family. The family had the mom working because they felt things at home were getting tight with money. They had three boys whose ages were 8, 12, and 16. He worked full time making $42,000 a year, and she worked part time making $21,000 a year. They decided they wanted to find out the total benefits of her working for the family. The accountant they were working with really took everything that was effected from her working. They took the emotional effects of her children, the absence of her in the home, the stress that it gave her not being able to feel on top of her jobs at home, the daycare bills they paid, the eating out they did because of her not having time to cook, the effects her husband had of trying to fill in. . . and really there are so many more things that played a part that they counted. In reality they put the numbers in the equation and they should have come out on top. At the end of the day, she and her husband were taken by surprise when they found out that their income for the year came out to be only $41,000.

     I have had the opportunity this week to spend time with my mother in law, and we had the chance to talk about this class. She has some amazing recipes, stellar coupon sites and coupons, children who  have strong testimonies and who took some of her traits with them, sewing abilities, and so much more. I loved what she said to me about all of this, 

"I want to be so good at what I do, that my husband can't afford me to work outside of the home"

     What does she do then? She does exactly the scenario I described of a normal day up there^ and then some. She dedicates her self and contributes so much to the family that if she left there would be a huge deficit. She is really so good at what she does, and I have loved learning from her.

     So how do you live off of one income? I have tried a lot of ways, and there are so many books you can read but it all comes down to how to budget the money from your honey. My honey works so hard, and I want him to not stress about money and know that I am grateful for what he provides. 

     These last two weeks Jedd and I are trying something different. We have laid out some money, and decided what our categories are for where are money goes for the month, and we have put a certain amount of money in each envelope. Groceries, phone, and gas are some of our categories. But one of our favorites is our "Mad Money"! We both get some money to spend whenever we want, and wherever we want! This has been fun because it also helps us get the things we actually really do want. I am excited to see the results from this form of budgeting. 

     I am going to strive to be the best that I can be at being a homemaker that Jedd can't afford me working anywhere else! You cannot put a price on homemaking and motherhood. The money from your honey can go a long way, if you do things that are right for your family. I really am excited to step outside the normals today, and become rich in happiness from the success that I create right inside the walls of my own home. 

    

     

Communication

Communicate, they say! It's as easy as that, they say!

For me it always has not been that easy. I am always debating how I should say something, or maybe I just won't say it because I feel like it will hurt the other persons feelings too much. What I didn't realize is that probably more of what I communicate comes from my body language, my nonverbal communication. 

Non-verbal communication can be your actions, like slamming a door, or just simply walking away. You are really saying so much by doing those things! Now I don't have much of a temper, usually I just become quiet. . . But that is saying so much as well. In a marriage, each spouse takes their life experiences and assumes behavior meanings based on those. I always thought that silence meant that something was wrong, but maybe to my husband it means "Oh, I am just thinking and processing what you said." So how do we know what the other person really means?

You have to first communicate, to communicate. I don't ever think this goes away either. Once you feel like you figured something out about how your spouse communicates a message, you have a new one to decode. There are a lot of things that go into the decoding of messages too. The tone of voice, facial expressions, hand movements, the actual words used and with all of these things it actually becomes difficult. We are influenced with meanings all throughout our lives and it might be difficult trying to figure out what they are really saying to you. It just takes a lot of patience.

When we communicate it is very important to have clarification, or transparency of the message. You can do this by asking a simply question, "If I am understanding right, you are meaning. . ." This allows for the person trying to send a message the opportunity to understand what they are trying to say and feel and to validate your thoughts. Something to do also, is to validate your spouses feelings. When we are upset we are looking for someone to understand us. If the person who understands us is the one who makes us mad, it is likely that our fire will be put out. 

Even when we are not arguing, it is good for clarification. It is more likely that one will keep doing things that you like if you communicate with them and tell them that you enjoy it and appreciate it when they. . . "Help with the dishes" or "Give you a hug and a kiss when they come home"

I have been aware of my communication this week, I communicate mostly non verbally by my sighs, or smiles, or even how I show affection. It is amazing to see how my husband so quickly picks up on those things without me even saying a word. 

My goal this week, is to really observe Jedd and know how he acts in certain situations. I will be better able to communicate with him because I know how he is feelings without him talking to me. 

Being aware of what we feel and how we communicate that is really big. I hope that we can all focus a little more on our actions, tones, and words because it all counts. 

We all have different needs, and we all have the desire of something. Let's be clear in our cries for help in those times of need! Don't get angry, or upset. We act irrationally when we are in those emotions. Evaluate how you feel, why you are feeling that way and ask for help or some one to listen.

The BEST counsel from my teacher this week-

Give the Benefit Of the Doubt

Our spouses never intentionally mean to offend us, or make us feel angry or really anything other than happy. If we give them the benefit of the doubt all the time, we realize we are not perfect either. We come to love them because we don't get frustrated that often. Our communication increases because we turn to clarifying instead of becoming defensive.

Take time to communicate effectively this week. Notice, and try to communicate by those things that you see.

Stress. Is. Good.

Ya know, I feel like some of the time I am a pretty stressful person. I have a lot going on in my life, and usually at some of the most inconvenient times. But imagine your life without stress!

   Take just a second and picture yourself never having to rush your kids to school, never having 100 errands to run in 1 hour, never having to make meals, cook dinner, or doing laundry ever again! You would become like an astronaut that has been in space for too long. The number one health threat for an astronaut is to actually not have the stress of gravity readily available to them. Their muscles start deteriorating, and they are not as strong as they used to be. We would become just this!

     Without stress, we wouldn't become strong individuals with opportunities presented in front of us.

Did you know that we control our stress reactions? Also, our body hears everything our mind says?! This was actually the most fascinating thing that I learned this week. Stress actually becomes 10x harder for us when we express "Oh, this is going to be just terrible!" If we were to react in such a way that our bodies realize that what we are going through isn't so bad, we learn that stress is okay and that we can make it through. We become positive to stress, and the outcomes of stress help us with the things that are going to happen in our future.

Now this class was focused on family stress not so much individual stress so I want to focus on some things for the family, specifically mine.

Backstory:

     We have been living in a basement this semester here in Rexburg. We thought we were leaving this winter semester for somewhere else and we didn't get too cozy in our basement nook. Well, lately I have learned that plans are not plans, sometimes they are only ideas, haha. Long story short, we are not going to Florida. Jedd has expressed how he wants to more feel like he is coming home, this next semester. It is definitely a little bit stressful going to school full time and being a wife. . . but oh my goodness it is making me such a better person. That's a story for another time but here is what I want to get to.

     This weekend Jedd went hunting! His dad and brother put in for a hunt and were all able to go. I was super excited for him and I am still crossing my fingers that he gets something ;) . . . I stayed home to work on school and catch up on laundry at the laundry mat. I decided since my list consisted of more then just those things I would write a list and name it good, better, and best so I felt like I wasn't going to be as stressed out. I saw all of these things that I was doing for myself, and sometimes Jedd and I like laundry. . . But I decided to write on there "Make Our House A HOME!" And what is better then doing something for someone else? So I decided I would quick get my homework done really quick, and get started.

-desk
-study room
-clean out closet
-tupper wares
-a little decoration
-yummy 'home' smells
-laundry
-vacuuming
-organizing
-decluttering
- cleaning
(only a few on the list. . . I know I know, you moms out there beat mine, lol)

Not to say the least, I could have gotten a lot of other things done but I decided I would do something for my husband and make him feel at home. I did have other things to get done but somehow my stress disappeared and I knew everything was going to be alright. I mean, I got my homework done. . . right? Plus I added in some things that I love to do. I did a few crafts with meal prep and vacuuming!
     Stress is a good things in our lives if we take it and see it as an opportunity to grow and become better. We should start telling ourselves that "We can do it", and "It's really all going to be okay." I mean, the man upstairs is in charge anyways.

P.S. Jedd comes home tomorrow and I am super excited for him to come home! . . .
P.P.S. I'll show you some things that I made this weekend. . .  I love using my hands!

 

Marital Intimacy, It's not what you think

When I got married, what exactly did I know about marital intimacy? You might be thinking about the physical part which is just as important, but I think sometimes we skip a step. . . we skip an important step!

I honestly had a hard time being required to write a blog about the chapter we had to read about this week and the discussions we had in class, but I decided that I would try to take a different approach to this because it is a good thing to understand.

We are taught in school with the fifth grade videos, and middle school videos what happens to our bodies as we hit puberty. The physical side of things is the only part talked about when we have the birds and bees talk later in life as well. We are taught to "bridle our passions that we may be filled with love" (Alma 38:12). This is so good know because the natural man is an enemy to God. What I learned this week though changed my perspective on why it is a good idea to wait until after marriage to have the physical part of intimacy with your special someone, and to gain trust, a safe place, and a loving relationship before you decide to marry and show affection in a more physical way.

It is really neat to have all my classes overlap some weeks, and this was a special week that it did. In my eternal families class we discussed the law of chastity. There was a wonderful explanation of this by Holland in the talk, Of Souls, Symbols and Sacraments (Personal Purity). This talk was actually so popular that you cant get the original without purchasing the book (Of Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments).  Which I would recommend!

The step we skipped! Emotional intimacy before physical intimacy.

There is so much emotion that is present with intimacy. You experience the feelings of closeness, love, charity, vulnerability, and so much more. When you share your deepest thoughts, genuine concerns, and life long dreams with your partner you feel a connection and a bond. When you have that relationship of communication and dependency with your partner it creates an intimacy that should only be shared with them, and you should be committed to that person even in courtship. After you have gained this relationship with them, it is appropriate to share with them your body after marriage because you will truly be united. "When one toys with the God-given-and satanically coveted-body of another, he or she toys with the very soul of that individual, toys with the central purpose and product of life (Holland, Of Souls...)" and takes away the ability to have the feelings of intimacy and closeness with the person before having sex. It is not only about saving yourself and doing what our Heavenly Father wants us to do, but for saving us from the hurt that would come to our souls if we participated in it before we are married. I think he is protecting us from a lot more than we think ;)

Women release a lot of hormones during intercourse. Oxytocin is a main one and is what I would consider the "bonding chemical". This chemical is also released when a women is having a baby, and also when she nurses. . . is it a coincidence that it is released when having intercourse? It binds her to her husband and she feels close to him. More than ever! How amazing! I just think of how hard it would be to know that the person you feel closest to because of sex, isn't completely committed to you. It is such a wonderful feeling knowing that the man who holds me at night is devoted to me. I don't ever have to second guess if our relationship will end. We are committed and we show each

other.

Something that I want to share, I would have never thought of when it comes to marital intimacy. Are there boundaries? Are there things we shouldn't do? I was taught all my life that sex was a bad thing, that it just shouldn't be done. . . Until I got married! Now that I am married, what exactly can I do?

We are vulnerable and we could potentially do things that might embarrass us. Intercourse is to build the relationship up, not tear it down in any way. The boundaries when you get married are between you and your spouse. It is important to communicate with each other, and let each other know how you are truly feeling. It is not good to do anything demeaning or embarrassing for your partner. There aren't specific things I can tell you to do, but the natural things that bring good feelings into the relationship are the ones that should be practiced. Find those things with your spouse! It will only make things better!

Lastly I want to leave you with recommendations of books to read. . . 

•  Knowing Her Intimately
• And They Were Not Ashamed 

These are great books to read to just understand a little bit more about one another, and the importance of sex after marriage.

It is a good thing, when you do it right. . . and in the right order!