Divorce is a hard word. It's getting a lot more common now a days too. It makes me kind of sad to think about too! I had the opportunity to be apart of a family that was blended. I learned a lot about myself and what I thought was important, and a lot about how I want my family to be.
I know there are certain circumstances that require divorce and when it is necessary it is a good thing, but I want to focus on emotional divorce. . . it is a step in the divorce process! There are also ways that you can transform your marriage from this.
Emotional divorce is when you are still with your spouse but there is no connection or happy feelings between the two of you. You basically cohabit and live in the same house with a piece of paper keeping the two of you together! You are selfish in your ways and are thinking about yourself most of the time, and you are swimming in a consumerism marriage.
I just think of how sad I would find that to be. Really though, why can't we keep the firing burning all throughout our marriage like the first couple months?! I mean I know I am just a newly wed but I have seen this happiness in my own parents, and my grandparents. The fire is there. . . &sometimes I can obviously see that they still love each other just as much! I love that! When you are an example with your love, your children will pass that on. How wonderful.
There are a couple things that can help this! I learned in this class and also my marriage skills class how there are soft things that we have problems with in our marriage and also hard things. You might just be super annoyed that your spouse never helps with the dishes. . . that they never pick up after themselves (these things you need to look past yourself for, and really try to communicate with your spouse). . . or it might be the hard things like abuse, affairs, or addiction (these are the ones that you will have to work hard to overcome, but sometimes it's okay to leave).
Counseling can really help. It is a good idea to go together because instead of finding someone to side with you, you are working with your spouse through the problems that you have. Those who are contemplating divorce and who go to individual counseling, they are more likely to get a divorce if they hadn't gone in at all. So make sure that when you go into counseling, you are looking for support of the marriage, not just of you.
Be mindful that marriage is selfless. You look past the imperfections and love them. You don't get frustrated, you communicate and make sure they understand you and you understand them. Keep your words soft, and your hugs/kisses constant. Let go of the worldly things and cleave unto your spouse. Make them feel so important. It is our job as their spouse to provide support, love (LOTS of love), kind words, confidence, self worth and so much more to our spouse. Don't give them a reason to be upset! Try as hard as you can through the hard times, because you will come out stronger! It is so satisfying to have challenges and go through it with someone because you feel connected in a strong way.
Jedd and I have prayed together and have studied our scriptures together to make sure that we both have the spirit with us, and also because it really does enhance the happiness of our marriage. I would suggest finding things that you both enjoy doing together. . and go and actually do them! Plan time together where you both enjoy the recreational activity. You'll find yourself laughing, and remembering that life with them is happy. I know that because Jedd and I have a regular date night, we always renew our relationship. By renewing something, like a library book. . . You get to initially keep it for longer! With your marriage you get to keep the feelings alive for longer. Who doesn't want that?
Be happy :) and remember why you married them. Let go of the small things and your pride.
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