In-Laws

I heard all these horror stories of mother in laws growing up. I always wondered what mine would be like. Would she require us to come for Christmas dinner every year or she would be upset with us? Would she want to live next door to always be able to see grandchildren and know what we were up to? Would she be the possessive type over her son?

Oh How I LUCKED OUT! My mother in law had gone through 4 weddings and marriages before mine! They had gone through some trials with some difficult daughter-in-laws, and they had experience with their sons getting married. I had a lot more space than I thought I would have, I have a lot better in-laws than I thought I would have, and I have a lot less stressful Christmas's than I thought I would have.

One principle that my in-laws get is letting the newly married couple gain an identity for themselves. She gives us opportunities to grow together while still being involved and letting us know that she loves us dearly. I love my second mother, and what she has done to let my relationship grow. 

     President Spencer W. Kimball also (page 328) cautioned parents and married adult children regarding their relationships: "Frequently, people continue to cleave unto their mothers and their fathers …. Sometimes mothers will not relinquish the hold they have had upon their children, and husbands as well as wives return to their mothers and fathers to obtain advice and counsel and to confide, whereas cleaving should be to the wife in most things …. Couples do well to immediately find their own home, separate and apart from that of the in-laws on either side. The home may be very modest and unpretentious, but still it is an independent domicile. Your married life should become independent of her folks and his folks. You love them more than ever; you cherish their counsel; you appreciate their association; but you live your own lives, being governed by your decisions, by your own prayerful considerations after you have received the counsel from those who should give it. To cleave does not mean merely to occupy the same home; it means to adhere closely, to stick together."

I love this and hope that when my children that I will have someday get married, that I will remember this and let them experience a good transition.

We Are Equal

"Healthy marriages consist of an equal partnership between a husband and a wife. Many marital problems have as their root cause an unequal relationship or struggles over who has control in the relationship. Research makes it very clear that issues about power is predictive of marital problems, including violence. Research also demonstrates that unequal power relationships in marriage are predictive of depression. Thus, research consistently finds that happy relationships are most likely to occur in marriages where the couple shares power and has a true partnership. These research findings are consistent with doctrines found in the gospel."

Have you ever heard of one of the spouses wearing pants in the relationship? Sometimes I find it funny when there are jokes in the air about who rules the roost. . but reading this put it into perspective for me.

As a couple there is no ruler of the relationship! Each person in the relationship is equally as important, and they share the power to decide as a couple. As I watch my sisters parents in law, I feel saddened by the way the wife treats her husband and family. Everything she says goes, everything she wants goes, nothing that the husband has to say matters because it is not what she wants! 

I have a testimony that this is not true and that woman were made to be next to the man side by side as equal partners.

Marrying into a family where there are traditional values has helped me really see how men and woman work together. Growing up in my household I saw some duties being shared between my mom and dad. It worked, but it also didn't show me how the proclamation really worked in family. Jedd's parents are great at following their roles as a wife, spouse, father, dad, and grandparent. I like how Jedd will allow me to stay home and not work, and how he treats me with respect in regards to decisions about our business and also family. 

I am grateful to be apart of this Gospel that guides and directs families and especially relationships to be the best that they can be.

Being Completely Faithful

Being Faithful to My Spouse

Story from student at BYU-Idaho used with permission

               A principle that really pricked my mind was the idea of being emotionally unfaithful. This really hit home to me. I have a certain guy friend who has been a huge influence in my life and will always be important to me. I could have married him, but choose not to. I love and cherish my husband and don’t doubt that I made the right decision in marrying him, but I have found myself wanting that friendship from the guy from my past. I felt myself having the thoughts described in Goddard’s book: “Why can’t my spouse be more like _______?” I looked forward to running into this guy on campus. I spoke to him occasionally on the computer.

               As I read the chapter on purity I was horrified. Tears filled my eyes when I realized that I was in those beginning stages of being unfaithful. The thought of being unfaithful to my sweetheart is disgusting to me, and yet in a way I was playing with emotional infidelity. I really loved the quote, “The grass is greener on the other side of the fence you water.” It is so true! My friendship was not bad, but what was bad was that I was putting energy into the friendship that should have been put into my marriage. I made a strict commitment to myself and the Lord that I would not share my heart with anyone but my husband and Him.  I had been thinking about my friend, worrying about him, a lot, and I decided that was the end and cut it out of my mind. My friend has other people and the Lord to take care of him. I changed my usual route walking to class, knowing that I would sometimes run into him on that route. I stopped talking to him on the computer. All of the energy, thoughts, time on the computer, everything I turned over to my husband, plus more. I am again looking for little acts of service I can do to show my husband how much I totally adore him. I am doing the things to build our relationship spiritually and to give God His place in our marriage. I want to have the greenest, most beautiful grass on the side of the fence where my husband is, and I will not let anything in to harm it. I haven’t spoken to my husband about this wake-up call, but I think he has felt and noticed the changes

I loved reading this story from our lesson this week. Being emotionally unfaithful is sometimes something that we don't think about when not being faithful to our spouses. Most of the time it just goes back to being sexually faithful but being emotionally unfaithful is what leads to that.

Looking at my marriage, my husband is the one that I turn to and always want it to be that way. It is sometimes easier to put into perspective when you ask yourself how you would feel if your husband was more dependent on another girl besides you!

Getting more fully into the sexual part of it, there was a story told by Barlow in a 1986 Ensign. He told a story of when he was a missionary and a protestant pastor let them in from the cold. He asked about many things of the Church but one of the last questions he asked took him off guard. The man asked "What is the Mormon attitude on sexuality?"

Barlow did not have anything to say and in fact choked a little on his hot chocolate. He thought his new and naive companion did not have an answer either until he spoke up and said, "We believe in it."

Still to this day Barlow can't come up with a better answer to that question. We need to teach our children the consequences of it, but also need to teach them all the good that can come from it and why we wait for our eternal companion. We need to make it easier for our youth to get along with their spouses when they get married in the future and know that Heavenly Father gave this to us to let our relationships have more joy and grow when feelings and actions are shared between two people that truly love each other.

I am so grateful for the emotionally faithful husband and sexually faithful husband. I want to be able to always get along with him in these areas.
I have a testimony that this church does believe in sexuality, but in the right place and at the right time.