Changes Require Changes (Babies)

-lots of conversation and experimentation
-accommodate and identify our needs with each other
-discover the new things
-sharing your time with each other
-sharing EVERYTHING with each other

    These are all things That I am learning how to do right now. Getting married, enjoying the honeymoon, and being in love are only the beginning stages of a great marriage. There are things that will come along during your marriage that can bring you two closer together then ever. . . or really just take you two away from one another. Jedd and I had an awesome summer together while we merged our lives together living in Woodruff, Utah. We learned more about each other on a deeper level. I learned a lot about who Jedd is and what he likes and doesn't like. I learned that work might almost me his most favorite thing, and that there can't be too many otter pops in the freezer. These are some fun things to know, and because I know them I can best fulfill Jedd's needs. The list of things I know about my husband will increase over time if I really put in some effort and observe and communicate with him.
    We will, together, go through some hard times difficult times and some changes. The more you know about one another, and the more you communicate through these things. . . (I think) the easier it will be to go through them.

    The fun thing about changes though is that it creates an opportunity for you to learn something new. Maybe how they'll react, or feel when something occurs. One of the big changes, greatest changes, most life changing changes. . . is when you start to create together your own family. A lot of things go into this special experience, and maybe more new things that you haven't been through yet. I was able to learn this week about the effects of having children.

    The effects were kind of surprising to me. I learned that most marriage satisfaction levels go down the their first baby arrives. Not only that, but it keeps going down as more children come. Jedd and I haven't had children yet but I am going to keep some things in mind when I start having children. Who intentionally has children to decline their satisfaction with the person they love and created the child with?

    The things I want to share and also remember when I have children is to always include the father in pre-natal and post-natal appointments and experiences. Doing this keeps both parents on the same page and with the name knowledge of this child. Revealing the gender together, hearing the heart beat, hearing the words of the doctor reveal news about your child. . . are all important for both parents to hear. Even though mom is bearing the child, including dad when the baby starts kicking, or wanting him there for the appointments will give him the feelings that he is needed, and also wanted by your side throughout this changing time in your relationship. 

   When the baby is born, keeping your husband feeling needed and wanted is important so he can feel a connection with the baby as well. It might be a good idea, in my opinion, to keep your husband right next to you in the delivery room. . . not so much your mom. . . or your best friend. . . but your husband holding your hand and being given the baby right after it is born. What a spiritual and special experience it would be for you and your husband being together during this time.  

    The other things I think are important are keeping up on your duties of being a wife. Not only are you a mother now. . . but you aren't just one thing now! Continue being a wife to your husband. He deserves it. I know Jedd deserves that! It might be hard sometimes but pushing forward through those hard times, doing the things I have in the list up there^ will be so beneficial in your marriage.

I want the children I have to bring Jedd and I closer together. I want to always make him feel needed and wanted and important in the process of having children. I know there are changes ahead of us, but this class is helping me know and prepare for what I need to do to not have my marriage decline after having children. I am excited to start my family, actually I can't wait.

It is really just a date?

You're in college, studying hard, losing sleep, and trying to progress in your life. One day in your busy schedule a nice young man, who seems interested in you, starts a conversation with you. . . He then asks you out on a date! 
You then:
(A) Blush a little bit because you thought he was cute and hope he purposes on the date so you say yes
(B) Make an excuse like "I have a boyfriend" or show him the fake ring you bought at the nearest grocery mart because you aren't in a position to get married quite yet
(C) Belittle his confidence by hesitating and ultimately just saying, "Uhm(looks around and heavily sighs) sure" 
(D) Excited that he asked, "What did you have in mind"

     Dating can be a real struggle in college when the normal thing is to just 'hang out' with a bunch of friends and have no pressure. Hanging out isn't a bad thing, but the result of that puts the meaning of dating into a higher level. Somewhere in the mix, our generation has confused courtship with dating! Men and women don't exactly know the expectations of the date because they read into it too much or, because of the redefined word of dating, expect too much. 

    More and more I have found that men are shying away from asking a girl on a date. They take a little bit of planning, yes. They take someone to pay for it, yes. They take to people to be paired off, yes. But in the end they are so worth it.

"Elder Dallin H. Oaks provided a brilliant operational definition for the word "date" in his seminal CES Fireside about the importance of dating as opposed to hanging out. According to his definition, for a date to contribute to a pattern that could potentially mature into marriage, it should be paid for, planned ahead and paired off. I'm sure we're all familiar with this talk and the concept of the "three p's."

     Now what do these three P's have to do with an eternal perspective?

Provide ---> Paid for

Preside --->Planned

Protect --->Paired off

When we look at the family proclamation, there are three roles of the males that they are responsible to fulfill. It was neat to link them to dating. When we go on dates, we offer men the chance to practice providing, presiding, and protecting. Then. . . how do we as women practice nurturing when dating?

Nurturing their CONFIDENCE. It takes so much courage for a man to walk up to a women and ask them on a date. If we women but only nurtured their confidence by responding happily, and willing. . . Oh what that would do for a man. We can even answer excitedly and ask them how they are going to plan. "What did you have in mind?"

When we go on a date, it does not mean marriage. . . It does not mean that you two are exclusive! It simply gives the two of you the opportunity to get to know one another and practice our roles as men and women. 

“Simple and more frequent dates allow both men and women to ‘shop around’ in a way that allows extensive evaluation of the prospects. The old-fashioned date was a wonderful way to get acquainted with a member of the opposite sex. It encouraged conversation. It allowed you to see how you treat others and how you are treated in a one-on-one situation. It gave opportunities to learn how to initiate and sustain a mature relationship. None of that happens in hanging out.” -Elder Oaks

(There are other wonderful snips of advice from our general authorities like the quote I just shared on: Advice from Prophets on dating)

    So the next time you get asked out on a date, I hope that you remember that it is just a date. . . a date to have fun! A date to really enjoy one another and let each other practice our roles.

    One of my favorite dates that I had before I got married to Jedd, was when we snow shoeing out in Island Park. We both were on the date to have fun, get to know each other and enjoy the outdoors. We were racing, pushing each other in the snow and realizing that we both enjoyed one anthers company! 

Women vs Men?

     Should I say that it is even a vs in-between those two words. It's not a competition or comparison. With those two words it is only something complete. Men and women give something so wonderful to the world and to each other, we couldn't go without one or the other. 

    In my religion class, The Eternal Families, we were asked to ponder what we enjoyed and were grateful for about our opposite gender. We were then asked why we were grateful to be the gender we are today. It put into perspective for me that I am grateful for my roles, but I am also grateful for my husbands role, which is different then mine, because together we can complete things I didn't think were possible when I was single. 

     Today the roles of men and women are changing, and simply demeaning them as a whole. There is a lot going on that puts down the role of the man in a relationship and even the female. I like to really ponder the great characteristics that a man does have, and what makes him a man. It has to do with what is on the outside, and also who he is as a person and his soul. Think about the woman as well, and what makes her a women.

     There was a study done on children. . . toddlers per say, and how the choices between boy and girl things start young. They were put in a room with blue toys, dump trucks, race cars and so forth. In the room there was also pink toys, baby dolls and strollers. Typically, and more often then not the boys would choose the typical boy toys and the girls would choose the typical girl toys. Think about the girls who chose the boy toys though, and how one would react to it. There is even a name for it, a tomboy. Now think a little boy who chooses a baby doll, and has the characteristic to be nurturing. . .  would he get a nick name like the girl did? If so, does that nickname have a good context to it?

     Children are not thinking about being gay or who they are attracted to at that age in their life. So when we label them that early, it puts them in a weird place all their life. If we would just teach our children at a young age the principles of men and women and how they both play a central role, and play with our children in a way that lets them practice this role and use it for good, the roles of men and women will be more separated and clear. If your son wanted to play barbies, play with him! . . . and let him take the role of Ken. 

     I just want to simply bear my testimony on the roles of men and women because I feel that the world today is a little bit foggy on that specific topic. I was fortunate enough to marry a man who feels the responsibility of providing for our home, presiding in our home, and protecting me and our future family. He respects my wants and wishes but also responsibility to be a stay at home mother nurturing my littles. 

    I feel that these couple talks really emphasize, put into perspective, and puts into words the importance of men and women and their roles together as a couple raising a family. 

Mothers Who Know 

Let Us Be Men

Brethren, We Have A Work To Do

Mother In Zion

     I know that men and women's needs are difference as well, and sometimes from the opposite gender perspective they can be intense or dramatic. Although they are valid needs, here is a little video showing how the needs are really different in a fun/funny way. I know that when my husband reaches out to understand how I am feeling and cares for me, no body else can make me feel the way he does. I know he loves and cares for me. I am grateful to be a woman, married to a handsome gentleman who acts like a man, &treats me like a lady. 

Women Vs Men Sarcasm  -Enjoy

     

Family Traditions

Halloween, Thanksgiving, Chirstmas! They're all coming up so fast!

Family and family traditions are what come to mind too.

I am just getting into blending family traditions and this will be my first Thanksgiving or Christmas with my husband and the Tibbitts side of the family. Jedd and I have talked about what traditions we would like to keep with our family and children, but how do you know which ones to keep and which you would rather not ?

Traditions: inherited patterns of beliefs or behavior

It isn't a bad thing to discard some traditions your family had and it's not a bad thing to keep some. You grew up in a family enjoying family time, and what you all did together. When you get married though, you are opened up to two options or ways you can do things, and it is an exciting time to decide how you want to have you children grow up. It actually really has a big effect on a greater scale because our children go out into the world and share the things they learn in the home. I loved this quote by President Kimball “The nation is built upon the foundation of its homes and the home upon its families.” It is such a privilege to have the opportunity to have such an effect. We can really change the world by what we teach our children and the traditions that we set. Isn't that amazing?

Family can be so fun and the time you spend together is so great.

Some of my favorite traditions were from Christmas. All of the kids would (try to) sleep in the same room, and wait for Santa to come. We would wake up to Christmas music playing, a video camera on us (definitely at our best, haha), and then we would walk either up or down the stairs youngest to oldest to go see Christmas. We had a huge breakfast afterwards! It was fun and we always had a good time at Christmas. 

Now your traditions aren't always holiday traditions. They can incorporate your values, everyday life, and things that you just do all the time. Your kids take most of things with them when they leave home. The habits of family prayer, scripture study, Saturday clean day, even the way that you like to wash clothes. The things they take might be exactly what you did, or it might be something that they want to do differently in their home.  But either way parents have a great influence on their children! 

I am excited to decide how Jedd and I will spend the holidays this year. Even more important I am excited to decide the traditions in my home, and how I want to influence my future family.

I love the songs that EFY puts out for youth, and there is one on the family that I thought I would share. While listening to it, think about what you want with your family. . . 

What does family mean to you?

EFY What Family Means to